Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
