you have to choose: penises or morals?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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