Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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