Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
