She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
