Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
