know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
