Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if only i could text you this smell
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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