I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
