Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
