Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
