don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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