At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
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