I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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