I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
