You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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