Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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