is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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