The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
