Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
