he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
