please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
