Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
