I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
