I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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