Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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