Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
