Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
