everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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