The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
