Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
