What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
