living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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