8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
