one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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