You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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