just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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