I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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