so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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