Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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