god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
