it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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