Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
