Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
