EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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