She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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