can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So many bounce houses so little time
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
