Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
