i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
