If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
