she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
