I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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