in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
