And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
