i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I smell like Dick and happiness
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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