just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
