And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
