Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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