hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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