i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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