Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
