i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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