Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
