just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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