3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize