i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
