The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the day after is always just damage control
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
