why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
