nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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