Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
