Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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