I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This toilet bowl is my home.
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